I sat in my room after the group meeting. I could hardly believe Elizabeth had the guts to tell the group about her assault only a few days after it happened. But that was the Elizabeth I knew, so incredibly strong. I felt so numb after my rape, so much the victim, I felt so sorry for myself, all I wanted to do was cry but those weren’t the emotions I saw in Elizabeth. Instead I saw determination and anger, an indignation for those who hurt her. The only thing I didn’t understand was how she could believe Scott was involved. He couldn’t be, he was with me, in his garage. There was no way he was one of the four guys in masks so how could she think he had anything to do with it?
I called her to make sure she made it home safe.
“You made it home okay,” I asked?
“Yeah,” she replied.
“Thanks for having your mom take us,” I said.
“No problem, sorry I didn’t just drive us myself,” she replied.
“Don’t be silly Elizabeth, I totally understand,” I said.
“Thanks,” she said.
“You’re welcome good night,” I said.
“Night, love you,” she said.
“Love you too,” I said back.
I hung up the phone and was still just so amazed by her. Again here she was apologizing for not driving so soon after her assault. And then the words she used to finish the call, “Love you,” what did she mean by that? I asked myself did I really know what that word meant. I mean, I said them with my parents and well once in a long while with Sherri although not too often. I had to love my parents, grounding me or not. But they had to love me right, and I had to love them. Scott and I exchanged those words but did we really mean them? Did Scott really love me at all, breaking up with Sara, then getting with me, then breaking up with me and getting back with her. Do you really love someone if you want your friends to have sex with her? Is that really love? And now there was Elizabeth such a good friend to me. Supporting me and being there for me through the rough times. The big question, when she said, “I love you,” what did she mean? Did she mean, like a friend, like a sister, or . . . romantically.
I let out a sigh, as I knew what time it was getting to be. It was close to bed time, time for me to go to sleep, time for me to. . . dream. I dreaded it more every night. But I was feeling more and more tired I definitely needed sleep. But I hadn’t slept good, well since I slept over at Elizabeth’s. I got ready for bed and brushed my teeth and washed my face. I then turned on some music and tried to close my eyes. What does “I love you” mean I thought.
. . . I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office with my mother nervous about my appointment to see the doctor. The pregnancy seemed to be showing a little bit more today and I thought my tummy looked pretty pronounced. The nurse came into the waiting room and called my name and guided me to an exam room. She had me change into a hospital gown then slowly started strapping me down to the exam table. She then put my feet up in stirrups and strapped each ankle and knee to the stirrup braces. She then checked the straps holding my upper body and then put a metal device in my mouth to hold it open. Then she took some blood from my arm. I lay in the exam room quite a while before the nurse finally returned with Scott. I looked at him and her surprised. “Is this the father of your baby,” the nurse asked. I was stunned by this. I nodded my head in reply to the question so the nurse then took blood from Scott filling a vial. She then stepped out of the room and Scott looked over at me all bound and smiled.
He walked up near my head first and looked at me and leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. He then walked down along the exam table looking at me all the way down to the end of it between my legs. He smiled up at me again. He then opened his pants and took his cock out and slowly pushed his cock into me. I wanted to say no but with the metal device in my mouth I couldn’t say a word only grown. I felt him work deeper and deeper inside me. There was nothing I could do. Soon he was fully inside me and was moving his cock in and out. I laid there helpless feeling my ex-boyfriend use my body. Over and over he moved inside me until suddenly he came. Just a few minutes after he had put his cock away and zipped up the nurse came back in and showed me and Scott the results of the test. He was not the father. Scott left the room.
The nurse stepped outside also. A few minutes later she came back with Billy. Is this the father of your baby?” she asked. I looked at Billy unsure. She took a vial of blood from him then stepped out of the room leaving Billy with me. He looked at me all bound surprised. He then walked towards the end of the table and looked between my legs and smiled. He then opened his pants and took out his cock and moved it to my sex and slowly pushed it inside me. I felt Billy move his cock in and out of my body. All I could do was lay there and feel him moving inside me. I had no way to stop him. In and out he moved faster and faster. I was very surprised when he then pulled out and hurried up towards my face. He was stroking his cock and stood by my head and kept stroking then suddenly he started to cum. With the metal device in my mouth holding it open I could do nothing as he came but feel the cum squirt on my face and into my mouth. I felt the cum ooze down my tongue deeper into my mouth. With two more strokes he came with each stroke over my face and in my mouth. Just a moment after he put his cock away and zipped up the nurse came back in. She told us both that he was not the father of the baby. He left the room as did the nurse.
A few minutes later she came back with Joe. She asked me was he the father. I just stared at her not thinking he was, hardly remembering him. That didn’t change a thing and she took a vial of blood from him and then left the room. Joe didn’t wait long at all. He moved between my legs and immediately took his cock out. He looked at me and just nodded at me. I then felt him push inside me. He fucked me like the others had in and out over and over. I could do nothing but accept the sex. He kept moving inside me until he got close he then pulled out and squirted his cum onto my breasts. After he finished cumming he put his cock away and this time the doctor and nurse came back in. The nurse walked up to me and said, “He is not the father.” The doctor walked over to me and took a look and said, “She has been entertaining the boys. Bring them all in.”
I was shocked to hear him say this and I watched the nurse leave the room then come back. Every guy who had sex with me was there. “Test them all,” the doctor said and one by one she took a vial of blood from each. She and the doctor then left the room and I watched as all the guys walked towards the end of the table. I then felt James push inside me and I knew they were all one by one going to use me. . . .
I jerked and sat upright shaking. I was so ashamed of what I had just dreamt. Even more I was ashamed of what I had been doing the last few months. I cried a little while and then had to go to the bathroom. I did my business then washed my face and headed back to bed turning on music as I lay down. I listened for a while and then eventually drifted back off to sleep.
Wednesday morning I got out of bed feeling more like a zombie with getting so little sleep. I showered, dressed and headed down for breakfast. I wasn’t very hungry at all. Mom had prepared oatmeal with raisons and I ate some of it but put the rest down the garbage disposal when she wasn’t watching. She told me she was going to pick me up from school at three o’clock because she had gotten me a doctor’s appointment. I waited for Sherri to finish her breakfast and off to school we went. I was happy to see Elizabeth there waiting for me and we stopped at my locker so I could get the books I needed for class. I got so mad as I found another one of the photo copies of the picture of me sucking the cock and I groaned loud. She snatched the picture from me and stuffed it into her bag and told me to just let it go that the more I reacted the more people would try to aggravate me.
We headed to class and I watched her body and her face as we walked down the hall. She was just amazing so confident, so different then most of the high school girls I knew. She didn’t seem to be wrapped up in what all people thought of her and just walked down the hall as if she didn’t have a care in the world and if it didn’t matter what people thought. I so wished I could be like her.
My first class was going like normal when everyone in class was stunned. The principal and two police officers came to the classroom and they asked for a boy named Thomas Johnson who was in our class. He got up and walked over to the door and as he got there each of his arms were taken by an officer. The door closed as soon as he was out of the classroom but everyone was wondering why he had been arrested. After class the rumor mill was going crazy. It took a while before anything that possibly sounded real came out but apparently a tow truck also picked up Thomas’ pickup truck. I shivered when I heard that news knowing that a pickup had been involved in Elizabeth’s rape. Could this be related? At lunch time Elizabeth met me and we headed to lunch together and I asked her if she had heard about his arrest and she told me she hadn’t and didn’t want to talk about it. I was dying to ask her about it but honored her wishes.
Instead at the varsity cheerleader table we talked about the freshman game that night and helping the freshman cheerleaders paint signs and banners for their game. I was disappointed nothing was discussed about Thomas being arrested or his pickup being towed away. On the way back to class I told Elizabeth I had the doctor’s appointment and she was happy I was going to talk to a doctor. We headed to class and the rest of the afternoon passed by without any drauma.
My mom picked me up from school precisely at three and we headed to the doctor’s office. This time it was at my normal doctor’s office not at the hospital so I was relieved that I didn’t have to change into a gown. They did all the typical doctor things checking temperature, blood pressure and all that stuff. They took a couple vials of my blood and then the nurse came in to see me. She had this super long form of questions they wanted me to fill out and I did so. It asked me all about my moods and sleeping and eating and all types of things. I thought in a way it was stupid because if I didn’t put down I wasn’t sleeping or not eating or whatever how would they know. I thought I could put down anything I wanted and how would they really know. I decided it would be better to fill it out honestly.
It was awhile before anyone came in but finally the doctor and nurse came in. The doctor did a normal checkup but to the most part I was able to keep my clothes on so I felt okay about it. It was also nice that my mom got to be in the room. The doctor asked me some of the same questions that were on the questionnaire and I answered them again. He asked me about sleeping and I told him about the nightmares. He told me I had lost weight since my last appointment and he said he was concerned since I was pregnant about that. He asked me if I was going to have the baby and I told him I thought so. So he reminded me that I really needed to take good care of myself.
He then said he wanted to refer me to a counselor to help me with my nightmares. He thought it would be good if I had someone to talk to about it weekly. He indicated that my test indicated that I was clinically depressed. He was considering putting me on anti depressants but there was some risk of birth defects. He asked me and my mother what we thought. My mom told him I really was getting very little sleep and hardly any rest. She asked him what was more risky and he told her that taking care of yourself during pregnancy was very important to a healthy baby. He decided to put me on a low dose daily regimen as well as the vitamins. He wrote the prescriptions and also gave my mom a list of therapists. He told me he wanted to see me back in a couple weeks to continue to follow up on my depression and my pregnancy.
We left the doctor and my mom seemed all emotional and told me she loved me. She was stroking my hair with her hand and I told her not to worry that I would be okay. She went by the pharmacy on the way home and filled my prescriptions. At dinner time my mom was full of energy and talking to my dad and even Sherri about it and it made me feel embarrassed and self conscious. I felt ashamed she was talking about me being pregnant and depressed like I was someone else we knew not like I was her daughter sitting there. They were debating the risk of me taking the medication while pregnant and my dad was arguing that I had been raped and it wasn’t abnormal for me to be depressed about that but my mom was very worried about me getting sleep and rest. I finally got tired of it and stood up from the table and went up to my room without finishing my meal. I wasn’t hungry anyway.
My dad came upstairs and asked me if I was ready to go to the game. He was going to drive Elizabeth and I. He said he called her mom and offered to take us. I grabbed a jacket and we headed to Elizabeth’s to pick her up and then headed to the game. We found a place to sit next to our cheerleading coach directly in front of the freshman cheerleaders. I still missed cheering with that squad. We were sitting there watching the cheerleaders when there was a stir in the stands. A reporter with a camera man was walking through the stands interviewing different students. I think my father, Elizabeth and I all had the same expression on our faces, an expression of get me out of here. We all were watching the reporter and the camera man and looking for a way to get out of there without going past them. My father finally took Elizabeth and my hand and walked us up a few rows to an empty row and then we went down three aisles before we headed back towards the bottom of the stands. Once there we were able to go out towards the exit. We headed to Elizabeth’s house. Her mother invited us in surprised how early we were and then Elizabeth explained to her about the reporter and camera man. My dad called my mom and told her to watch the news when it came on and we stayed at Elizabeth’s waiting for the news to come on.
The lead story on the news answered our questions as the reporter began to talk telling about the indictment of the head football coach in the case of a statutory rape of a student. She then went on to report about the arrest of one of the varsity football players and was investigating a link between the player and the coach. She interviewed several students asking about the coach and the player. The students said a variety of things including some that said the accusations against the coach were made up by the girl who reported the rape and said she made it up. I stared at the TV in shock knowing what they were saying that about me. I felt sick, Elizabeth took hold of my hand. But I still lost it and broke down sobbing. I wasn’t even really sure why I was crying, maybe part of it was relief, part of it shame that I was the victim, I just didn’t know. I was glad I had Elizabeth there as she held me and let me cry it out. Through all of it, Elizabeth did not look stressed or upset she looked relieved at what she saw on the TV. As the news finished my father thanked Elizabeth’s mom for letting us stop in to watch the news and we headed home. He looked a little shaken up by my breakdown and on the way home he told me he thought the medication might help me some. We got home and headed inside.
I went up to my room and a few minutes later my mom came to check on me. She then gave me my medication. She sat with me a while and wanted to know if I was okay. I told her I was but I didn’t want to talk about it. She gave me a hug and told me she loved me. I wished to myself that I had half the strength of Elizabeth. She was probably at home happy that the coach was indicted. All I could think about was if anyone knew it was me and what they would think. I didn’t want anyone to know it was me he raped. I listened to music as long as I could with the goal of not having a nightmare. At some point I must have fallen asleep.
The next morning I woke up and felt really weird. I just felt numb and didn’t care the good news though I had not had a nightmare, at least not one I could remember. I got up and took a shower and then got dressed. I headed downstairs and mom fixed me breakfast. I think I ate all of what she fixed me. Sherri came down and ate her breakfast and then we headed to school. When we got to school Elizabeth as usual was waiting for me. I’m not sure why but she asked me if I was okay, I told her I was fine. She walked with me to my first class. Watching the teacher was like watching a TV show. I think I heard almost every word he said and not much else.
My next two classes were much the same as I only seemed to be able to focus on one thing at a time and that seemed to be the teacher. I actually listened in my classes again. I don’t know how much I maintained but I listened. When the bell rang dismissing us for lunch I saw Elizabeth waiting for me and we headed toward the cafeteria. On the way there she asked me if we were going to group that night and I told her yes we could. She wanted to go so we agreed to go. Just before we got to the cafeteria I saw another one of the copies of the picture of me with the cock in my mouth hanging on a school bulletin board. I hurried over to the board and jerked the copy down. I tore it into lots of little pieces and threw it in the trash. Elizabeth put her arm around me and hugged me close. With me aggravated we went the rest of the way to the cafeteria and got our food. I’m not sure why but at the lunch table with the varsity cheerleaders Elizabeth asked me twice if I was okay. I nodded and said, “No worries.” After lunch we headed back to class.
My afternoon classes were no different then my morning classes and I listened to my teachers. Finally I got to my last class gym (also cheerleading practice) and we painted banners for the varsity game tomorrow night. We finished up the banners shortly before the bell rang to dismiss us for the day. I had to hurry to my locker to get a book to take home to study with so I hurried down the hall. On the way out of the hall I saw something that caught my eye Scott had Elizabeth pinned back against some lockers with his arm over her shoulders and they were obviously in a heated discussion. I hurried to where they were and as I got there I only heard one thing Elizabeth saying, “. . . you’ll eventually get yours.” As she said this and I got there she kneed him in the groin hard and he let go of her pulling back and leaning forward in pain. She stormed off past me not saying a word and I looked at Scott stunned.
“Are you okay,” I asked Scott.
“Yeah but you’d better put a muzzle on that bitch before she gets hurt,” Scott replied.
“Scott. . .” I whined upset he would say something like that.
“I mean it, she’s a liar and. . .” he said then stopped mid sentence.
“Never mind,” he added and turned and headed off the other direction.
I knew I needed to hurry and find my sister before I got left at school so I couldn’t follow him to ask what had happened. I hurried outside to where Sherri had parked that morning and she was waiting for me in the car. I got in and we headed home and I found myself focusing on the music on the car radio. After getting home I went up to my room to do homework and study for awhile until dinner time. I actually managed to open a book and to study. Again I seemed to have the one thing I had been lacking lately and that was the ability to focus. I lost all track of time and studied till my mother yelled upstairs that it was dinner time. I headed downstairs and we had dinner and my mother gave me my vitamins that the doctor had prescribed. At dinner my mom asked me if I was okay, and this time I responded by asking, “Why does everyone keep asking me that?” She responded by saying, “Because you seem to be off in your own little world and you’ve just been starring blankly.” I just rolled my eyes then said, “Can’t a girl eat in peace.” And I went back to eating.
We finished dinner and I sat in the den with dad watching TV. I got frustrated when on the news that same reporter from at the game reported on our school again. She told that besides the statutory rape indictment against coach there was another alleged rape. She said they were not sure if the two incidences were related in any way but that apparently a girl had been assaulted by multiple attackers. She told that besides the coach so far there had only been one other arrest and that student had already been released back to his parents while the incident was being investigated. She again showed some of the interviews with students some saying that the coach was innocent and that the student had made up the rape. I saw my father’s face get red when she said that. I was relieved when they moved onto the next story.
Elizabeth called me when they were leaving on the way to pick me up and when I heard the horn blow I headed out to her car. Her mom was again driving and we rode to the location for the meeting. Elizabeth and I went inside and found seats on one side of the room. Different people spoke at the session and I sat there quietly listening. I had a momentary thought of speaking and wished I was like Elizabeth and could but I wasn’t strong enough.
I was stunned when again Elizabeth had the guts to again speak.
“Hi everyone, my name is Liz and I was raped a little over a week ago. I told my story last week so I’m not going to get into that again, I just wanted to share what has happened since and how I feel about it. The police were able to find paint from my car on the pickup truck that ran into the back of my car and they arrested and questioned the guy who the truck belonged to. They took a DNA sample from him and are comparing it to the DNA the hospital was able to take from me. I hope it’s a match as so far he did not confess to questioning but the police feel like if they have a match he may. I thought this news would make me feel better but it just has me stressed knowing that he was released back to his family until they have more evidence.
I also had a confrontation with the guy who arranged for my assault. He ran into me after school today and threatened me. He keeps saying I am lying about him but I know he has something to do with it. I was shocked he had the nerve to pin me against the wall and I finally kneed him in the groin to get away from him. I’m still very scared to be alone and even more so at night. I have been sleeping in my mother’s bed which I feel stupid about but I can’t be alone. I still have mild physical pain from my assault, but I also have to undergo medical treatment to see how severe my internal injuries are. I’m very scared about this. I am paranoid that any guy in my school will try to hurt me and get scared if I find myself alone with any guy. I almost threw up when that guy pushed me against the wall.”
At this point she lets out a long loud gasp. Then she says just a little bit more, “I want my life back, I want to feel normal again I don’t want to hold so much hate in my heart.”
She stops and looks down and starts to cry. It absolutely broke my heart as I never see her weak. I slid my chair closer to her and put my arms around her shoulders. I didn’t understand why she kept thinking Scott had something to do with it but I didn’t focus on that right now. I was surprised at the things she said. The group leader went on to another person in the group and Elizabeth got a hold of her crying and stopped crying audibly. She did still tear and sniffle some. I didn’t hear very much more of what was said as I was focused on comforting Elizabeth. The meeting ended and we sat there a little longer. This time a few of the ladies in the group came over to her and gave her a gentle hug. I was surprised how many of them did so. Elizabeth handed me her phone and I called her mom and told her we were ready to be picked up.
She came and got us and drove me home dropping me off at home. My mom called for me when I came in the door and gave me my depression medication. I went up to my room and called Elizabeth after about ten minutes to make sure she had made it home okay. She said she had and again told me she loved me. I told her I loved her too.
I got ready for bed and sat on my bed thinking about the day. What had Scott and Elizabeth said to each other when he pushed her against the wall? Did he really threaten her? What was Scott saying when he told me I’d better put a muzzle on Elizabeth? So many questions I had without answers. I turned on some music and laid on my bed and eventually exhaustion won.
To be continued.
